does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
