Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
