first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
