my mouth tastes like poor choices
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
