Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize