Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
