Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
