I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
