I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize