wanna go halves on a baby?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
