The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Randomize
