The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
