Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
