Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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