I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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