So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
