I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
