remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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