perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
