I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
