Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
