she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
