How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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