I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
