How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
