oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
