if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
