And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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