Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
