Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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