New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
