So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
