tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
