You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
