considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
