Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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