it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
