shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
sarcasm needs its own font
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
