my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
