Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
How external is "for external use only"?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
