Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
