ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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