I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
