dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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