Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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