I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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