did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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