If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
