so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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