I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
