OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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