That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
