Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
