On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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