And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
