i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
