It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
