So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
