Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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