I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
