Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
