I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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