I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
