wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I'm at about main and main street
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
