i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Ketchup is God's man juice
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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