The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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