i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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