He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
