Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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