my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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