im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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