I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
did i just pee glitter
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
