we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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