she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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